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Brandan and Lily: Potter Puppet Masters

I haven't uploaded the videos I have yet of the Puppet show, or of anything else for that matter..

but anyway, until then, here, enjoy the delightful script and bask int he plethora of silly insults Brandan and Lily concocted for us, vis a vi their puppets :)

SIGN: “Harry’s Wonderful Life”

Normal Harry Potter walks onto the stage, wallowing in self pity. 

HP: My life sucks. Voldemort has returned to power, nobody believes anything I say and I can’t hold down a girlfriend. Grrrrr. I wish I was never born the Chosen One.

 

SIGN: “What if Neville was the Chosen One?”

Neville Longbottom comes on stage with Ron and Hermione, teaching them the Expecto Patronum spell.  

Hermione: It’s a good thing Neville Longbottom is so cool and awesome and good at fighting. Teach me to make a Patronus so I can fight off those scary Dementors.

Ron: Yeah Neville. You’re the coolest, we’d be lost without you. 

Neville: Ok, what you want to do is think about the happiest memory you can. All right, great job Hermione. No Ron, you’re such a noob. You’re doing it wrong!  Leprechaun’s taint! Here comes Snape to ruin our fun. Cauldron bum!

Snape: Ahem, do my ears detect foul mouthedness? You know, Neville, if you’re mother hadn’t been such a beautiful tease, I wouldn’t have to spend my days making you miserable. 

Neville: Voldemort’s nipple!

Snape: This insolence will not be tolerated!

Neville: I don’t have to listen to you, you floppy wanded dementor buggerer! 

All: Expecto Patronads!

 

Neville, Hermione and Ron run away giggling.

Hermione: Wow Neville, you’re quite the hellion today.
 

Ron: Yeah Neville, you’re rife with boyish attitude.
 

Neville: I do what I like because I’m Neville Longbottom. Hey, does anyone know where Harry went? He was supposed to come practice too.

 

SIGN: “Meanwhile…” 

Change scenes to Fat Noob Harry doing the Rubik’s Cube.

 

HP: Blimey. I can’t remember this bloody algorithm for the life of me. Dragon bogies! This would be easier if my parents weren’t tortured to insanity and I didn’t live with my senile old grandma. Son of a banshee!

 

Professor Snape overhears Fat Noob HP noobing it up. Investigates.

 

Snape: Harry Potter, the boy who nobody cared about. You know, you wouldn’t be so angry and miserable if you weren’t such a fat loser that never did anything cool.

 

HP: I know, Professor Snape. I was just frittering away my time because I’m too much of a wimp to accept my responsibilities.

 

Snape: You know Harry, you could have been destined for great things. Instead, you fantasize about being the hero and never actually accomplish anything for yourself.

 

HP: I do not!

 

Snape: Well what about that time you pretended to fight Voldemort in a Magic the Gathering duel?

 

SIGN: “Two Months Ago…”

 

HP (in Voldemort voice): I, Lord Voldemort, will play a creature and cast-----

 

Fat Noob Harry runs to other side, facing other direction.

 

HP (back in normal voice): I tap out for black and green mana to cast Avada Kadavra! I win! Hahahahaha.

 

SIGN: “The End?”

 

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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Analysis

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